Thursday, May 26, 2011

Two Boobies Are Not Enough.

I'm going to attempt to explain the Beasts in Human Skin rating system.  It's an attempt because usually it's just a judgement call, but there is some rhyme and/or reason to it.  People have commented that a movie wasn't worth watching because the Booby Rating was only a 3 out of 5.  Well, according to my system that's a lot of boobies so let me explain...

First, the Violence Rating.  This is entirely a judgement call.  I compare every movie to an action film like the 1977 (or 1978 depending on who you talk to) version of Inglorious Bastards.  It has a lot of action and deaths and explosions, but not a lot of blood and gore and would score a 3 out of 5.  So basically it comes down to this:

Violence Rating:
0.5 - 2.5:  Not much going on, maybe an occasional death and a little blood.
3:  Intense action movie violence or substantial blood
3.5:  We are entering exploitation movie territory
4 or 4.5:  Blood covers the streets and and falls from the heavens 
5:  Stomach churning gore

Now the Booby Rating is a little more scientific.

Booby Rating:
0.5 or 1:  No nudity, maybe some cleavage or a bikini here and there
1.5:  Lots of cleavage or bikinis or even some transparent clothing but still no boobies
2:  Boobies make an appearance but in a nonsexual way like skinny dipping or something
2.5:  There is at least one substantial sex scene and other booby sightings
3:  Several sex scenes and significant boobage
3.5:  Lots of sex, nudity and boobies but not so many boobies that I tire of seeing them
4 or 4.5:  There is so much nudity and so many boobies that it becomes normative. People are naked all the time.  Usually Pinky Violence, Pinku Eiga and some Gialli.
5:  Sexploitation
5+:  Hardcore scenes are shown.  An example would be Thriller: A Cruel Picture.

I also throw in a pipe smoking (the tobacco kind) rating if it's featured in a film because it's a hobby of mine, but nobody really cares about that.

So, there is the rating system.  I may modify it a little in the future, but not too much.  I hope this gives you guys and gals a better idea of what to expect when watching these films.  Later!

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