Christina Lindberg and Reiko Ike Get Naked

Norifumi Suzuki's 1973 grindhouse classic Sex and Fury features two of the queens of exploitation cinema, one from the East (Reiko Ike) and one from the West (Christina Lindberg.) 

I absolutely love this film but I have one little quibble with it - I've always thought Reiko Ike was too "soft" for this role.  Don't get me wrong, I think she does an outstanding job at naked swashbuckling and ass kicking.  It's just that I wonder if someone "leaner and meaner" (although she does look pretty damn lean in that bottom picture) might be more convincing: someone like Meiko Kaji (who would never agree to it because of the nudity) or Reiko Ike's pinky violence co-star Miki Sugimoto.  Or maybe I just think Meiko and Miki are hotter. 

Anyway here's a video from Sex & Fury with Christina Lindberg and Reiko Ike featuring a lot of the sex but not so much of the fury.



Christina_Lindberg_Jun_Midorikawa_Reiko_Ike by igaguriseijin

Porkchop (2010)

Partying, Mayhem and Gore... '80s Style

I know this may come as a surprise to some of you, but I watch a lot of low-budget shite, and when I sat down to watch Porkchop that's pretty much what I expected - low budget shite.  And that's what this movie delivered.  However, along with this shite, Porkchop also delivered some pure freakin' gold.  In fact, I couldn't believe how much I liked this movie.  It's like a bizarre combination of shit and gold... a golden shit nugget.  Porkchop is a golden shit nugget.

It's like everyone involved knows they're in a $10 000 movie so they don't take things too seriously or try to make it into something it's not.  It's an '80 slasher throwback not a cerebral art-house piece. The acting is atrocious which only adds to the appeal of the movie and some of the dialogue is so bad that it made me groan and then laugh out loud.  Maybe that's what makes this movie so appealing: the charisma of the actors.  They awkwardly deliver their crappy lines and then you feel compelled to laugh along with them because they're so likeable.

Porkchop is a tale of a killer and some campers.  That's pretty much the plot.  Six young acquaintances and an uncouth robot head out into the wilds of West Virginia to do some drinking and merrymaking.  Around the campfire a tale is told of a bulbous, redneck killer who wears the head of a pig upon his own and hunts those who intrude into his woods.  Only it isn't just a story.  It's true!  Porkchop lives and breathes and kills in these wooded hills of West Virginia and he begins hunting down these campers one by one.  After one of the ladies has sex with the robot, of course.

If you haven't noticed I liked this movie quite a bit.  I wish there were more boobies but not too many movies feature robot coitus, so it has that going for it.  Also one of the girls gets a chainsaw in the cooch which was good to see, or not good to see depending on your perspective.

So in conclusion, if you only see one '80s throwback slasher with robot-fucking this year, make sure it's Porkchop.  It truly is a golden shit nugget.

Wait!  I have to do a pun on the name Porkchop...  Porkchop, it truly is a choice cut.  A cut above?  Bloody good?  Ah whatever.

Violence Rating: 4 out of 5
Booby Rating: 3 out of 5

 Get it at TLACult

Sushi Erotica! Sushi Violence! Noboru Iguchi's DEAD SUSHI

If you're looking for some hot wasabi action, you can find it in Noboru Iguchi's upcoming raw-fish horror Dead Sushi.  It stars Shigeru Matsuzaki and High Kick Girl! heroine Rina Takeda,  and of course, it looks fucking awesome. 

Uschi Digard Will Make You Cream in Your Jeans

One of Russ Meyer's favorite ladies, this supervixen who measured 44DDD-26-35 made a career out of bouncing her ginormous, naked breasteses on the silver screen in low budget drive-in and sexploitation movies.  And here she is getting those fun-bags slammed up against a shower door in "Catholic High School Girls in Trouble" from the 1977 comedy Kentucky Fried Movie.

Uschi eventually went on to do porn.  Good for her.  Good for her.

Lfmao - The best video clips are right here

Find Uschi's Adult Films at The Classic Porn

Following Jason Eisener Through Fuck Town

That is a picture of Rutger Hauer and Jason Eisener.  Mr. Eisener directed Hobo with a Shotgun and you should follow him on Tumblr.  For serious.  He posts all kinds of behind the scenes shit from Hobo with a Shotgun, independent Canadian stuff and Hobo related short films like "Robo with a Shotgun," as well as all kinds of goodies from the glory days of exploitation cinema.  It's like a goddamn grindhouse circus!

It's called "Welcome to Fuck Town" and you should go there because Fuck Town is a land of magic and wonder.  Or you can find him on Facebook.

Here are a couple of those goodies I was talking about:

Welcome to Fuck Town

Call The Plumber Now!

leehardcastle.com

Lincoln vs. Lincoln. Vampire Hunter or Zombie Slayer?

The trailer for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter came out recently but I didn't mention anything about it because it looks like shit, and also because the idea of Hollywood producing a kitschy grindhouse homage to capitalize on the popularity of vampire movies doesn't blow my skirt up.  Not that I wear a skirt.  Is a hakama considered a skirt?

Anyway, another Abraham Lincoln movie is coming out and this one does have my attention.  The guys over at The Asylum really racked their brains to come up with a name for what is certain to be a cinematic masterpiece and settled on Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies.  Well, it does have Abraham Lincoln and he does fight zombies so I guess that's a pretty good title, after all.  And I like the fact that it's a true low budget horror film and I also like the fact that Abraham Lincoln is played by Bill Oberst Jr.. 

I know that in the past Oberst has played historical figures like JFK, Mark Twain and even Jesus Christ but I'm only familiar with his roles in exploitation and horror films in which he plays the creepiest mofos you can possibly imagine.  So, I'm curious to see how he combines the two and plays a historical figure in a horror movie.  I also have it in writing that Mr. Oberst loves Beasts in Human Skin so I'm not too embarrassed to admit that I have bit of a man-crush on him.  Him and Norm Abram. If you're not sure who Bill Oberst Jr. is, this is him...

According to Oberst via Planet Fury, Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies isn't just a film for fans of low-budget zombie movies, it's also a film for history buffs - alternate history buffs anyway.

While the Civil War rages on, President Abraham Lincoln must undertake an even more daunting task; Destroying the Confederate Undead. "I think horror fans are a lot smarter than we are generally given credit for," says the actor. "Zombie fans will love it, of course, but so will those into alternate history, a big interest of mine; while battling the zombie scourge Lincoln encounters General Stonewall Jackson (Don McGraw), his old love Mary Owens (Baby Norman) and a young Teddy Roosevelt (Canon Kuipers) and every one of them is presented as they were in history. It's like an unknown chapter in a very kick-ass history book."

Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies is scheduled to be released on May 29.  There isn't a trailer out yet but there is this nifty looking picture of Oberst as President Lincoln.

Or if you just want to see a butt naked Bill Oberst Jr. punching a chick in the face, check him out in Nude Nuns with Big Guns.

Japanese Gore Girl: Eriko Sato

Name: Eriko Sato
Japanese name: 佐藤江梨子
Nickname: Satoeri (サトエリ)
Birthday: December 19th, 1981
Birthplace: Koto-ku, Tokyo, Japan
Lives in: Sapporo-shi, Hokkaido
Blood type: AB
Height: 173cm
Bust: 88cm
Waist: 58cm
Hips: 88cm


Eriko Sato was born on December 19, 1981 in Tokyo and started her acting career in 1998 with the Japanese TV drama "Beauty Girl H," but you may remember her ample funbags from such films as Cutie Honey (2004), Carved (2007) and Goemon (2009).  Here she is in various states of undress.

The Japanese Think Phoebe Cates Is Better Than Sherilyn Fenn

Recently I declared that Phoebe Cates is the hottest of the ladies from the 1980s and the ultimate authority on celebrity nudity Mr. Skin agrees with me because they declared her topless scene from Fast Times at Ridgemont High as the greatest nude scene in movie history.

Then I went on to feature the lovely Sherilyn Fenn as another of my favorite ladies from the '80s and some  commented that Sherilyn Fenn was in fact better looking than Phoebe.  While I agree that Miss Fenn is certainly an incredibly attractive woman, she's no Phoebe Cates, and is only ranked at #28 on Mr. Skin's list of top 100 nude scenes but they have Meredith Baxter at #29 so I'm not sure if this list really means anything or not.  Another commented that Molly Ringwald is the hottest starlet from that decade and that person is clearly delusional.

Not only is Phoebe hotter than Sherilyn but she's cooler as well because she reached the ultimate high-water mark of Hollywood stardom: the Japanese commercial.  In fact I found videos of two such commericials, one for Asahi beer and one for Sapporo Ichiban noodles.  I don't see the Japanese choosing Sherilyn Fenn to make an ass out of herself on television so clearly the winner is Phoebe.  And what a sweet ass it is...  Sapporo Ichiban! 

Jesus, Aliens, and Nicolas Cage

I was walking downtown yesterday and I stopped to cross the street when I saw a guy pushing a stroller out of my peripheral vision.  He was quietly walking past and keeping to himself so I didn't pay much attention until he stopped and said, "Excuse me."

Now I figured he just wanted to know what time it was because people stop to ask me that all the time.  I must have a face that tells people that this is a man who knows what time it is.  But he didn't ask for the time.  He asked, "Do you believe in God?"  I'm sure most people would try to wriggle out of such a situation and get the fuck away from anyone who wants to discuss theology on a random street corner.  Not me.  I find pleasure in introducing Eastern philosophy and historical anthropology to these street missionaries and in turn, discovering their understanding of Christianity.  I have a background in Religious Studies but in many ways their understanding of Christianity is better than mine because, you know, I'm a Buddhist and all.

However, upon closer inspection I discovered that this was not a typical missionary wanting to talk about the saving power of Jesus Christ.  In this guy's stroller was a set of overturned golf clubs, some batteries and a couple of blankets, and he wore a ratty old gray sweater tucked into his unwashed acid-washed jeans.  Still, I was curious about what he had to say, but when the discussion turned to the Book of Enoch and the Genesis stories about how the angels came to Earth to ravage human woman I was about ready to go.  Sure, it's briefly mentioned in the Bible but this guy was fixated on human-angel lovin'.  The only time he mentioned Jesus at all was when he said he stared at him for 25 minutes in his prison cell one day and his cellmate saw the same thing and passed out on a table.  He just kept rambling on about the end times, his visions of God, and angels having sex with humans.  Then he used the show "Ancient Aliens" as evidence that his interpretation of scripture and the non-canonical Book of Enoch is true.

Long story short, the guy reminded me of Nicolas Cage so here's a video him screaming his way through 100 of his greatest movie quotes... and also one of him wearing a bear suit and punching some chick in the face.

Bring Back Bush

That's right.  Bring back the bush, I say!  And I don't mean crazy 1940s jungle bush, but a trimmed yet natural looking 1970s bush is perfect, in my opinion.  Here's Laura Gemser and a couple of lovely, unshorn ladies showing what I mean in Emanuelle in America (1977).

Some Afternoon Ear-Fuckery with Sherilyn Fenn

Do you want to see some mullets and sunsets?  I have just the video for you then.  No?  Then what the hell is wrong with you?

Here's an out-of-sync video of Tim Feehan's song "Where's the Fire" from the 1986 sci-fi movie The Wraith which features Clint Howard,  Charlie Sheen and a young Sherilyn Fenn.  Zoltan reviewed it some time ago and you can find it here.

Erotic Nights of the Living Dead (1980)

There are essentially three reasons to watch this movie.  First of all, this is the first movie to be reviewed that scores a 5+ on the Beasts in Human Skin Booby Rating/Index which means it shows a bit of the old in-out, in-out.  The second reason involves a frumpy stripper and a champagne bottle up her vajayjay, and the third reason is because Laura Gemser bites off a guy's willy.

If you haven't guessed already, this is a Joe D'Amato film which means half the film is going to be horror and the other half is going to be a kind of soft, hardcore-ish porn and that's what Erotic Nights of the Living Dead a.k.a. Sexy Nights of the Living Dead is.  Mr. D'Amato was very good at making a buck by taking a theme that was popular in American theaters and adding a lot of softcore scenes with the occasional penetration and BJ shot to it.  In this case, the theme is zombies.

The first half of the film is character introduction, I guess.  This is where most of the "erotic" scenes take place and it is boring as hell, but I suppose it's interesting enough for its historical value because it shows a time when people didn't shave their neither regions before mashing them against one another on camera.  Hairy mustachioed men get it on with hairy, unkempt women.  Two of the ladies are quite lovely in this film and I have no complaints about them prancing around unclothed on screen.  They would be Dirce Funari and of course, Laura Gemser.  Unfortunately we don't get to see Miss Gemser in any hardcore scenes in Erotic Nights of the Living Dead or any film as far as I know.  I think she always used a body double for the really naughty shots.

"Hi. I'm a frumpy stripper and I'll be your sommelier for the evening."

One of the things this movie in known for is the "champagne scene" but even that proved to be anticlimactic.  A stripper gives our protagonist played by George Eastman (who somehow manages to have sex several time during the film through his jeans) is given one of the lamest strip-shows I've ever seen by one of the local girls before she finally straddles a champagne bottle and uncorks it inside of her.  It's a great idea but ultimately it comes off a bit flat.

Eventually Mr. D'Amato gets around to telling a story; a story about zombies on a deserted island, and this is where the movie gets better.  It isn't much of a story,  just enough to get some zombies on screen to break up the monotony of boobies and bush.

An arrogant American business man has the idea to commercialize a small tropical island that the locals say is cursed.  He pays a sailor to take him and his salaried girlfriend to this "Cat Island" where they discover that the legends are true and that the living dead rise to feed on those who invade the island paradise.  Also, Laura Gemser bites off the guy's penis.

This movie reminded me of two others: Lucio Fulci's Zombi 2, which is a much superior film and has a zombie fighting a shark, and one of Joe D'Amato's other island horror movies, Anthropophagus: The Grim Reaper which came out the same year as this one.  So if you want to see a similar film without all of the soapy handjobs and hairy genitalia, watch one of those.  If you want to see a fairly decent zombie film with some boring hardcore scenes, check out Erotic Nights of the Living Dead.  Just make sure you get the unrated version.

Violence Rating: 2.5 out of 5
Booby Rating : 5+

Get it at TLACult

If you want to see some hot zombie on zombie action, check out the Night of the Giving Head/I Can't Believe I Fucked a Zombie double feature.