Nude For Satan (1974)

I heard that this movie was such a failure when it was originally released in Italy back in 1974 that they kept it under lock and key even when all of the Eurosleaze was being re-released on VHS in the '80s and 90s.  It wasn't until fairly recently that it finally came out on DVD and in my opinion, it could have stayed in the vault.  Is that too harsh?  Well, perhaps.

The problem I had with Nude for Satan is that it's too damn slow, and not just slow but excruciatingly so.  Don't get me wrong, many of my favorite films are paced quite slowly because that's how suspense it built but this film is just... not... good.  It's like director Luigi Batzella tried very hard to make this into a Joe D'Amato or Jess Franco erotic horror clone but failed.  It has the nudity, and Gothic atmosphere and stupid, simple plot like Franco and D'Amato films but it just doesn't come together.

The camera work is laughable at times and distracts from what little plot there is, and the special effects are absolutely atrocious.  But I actually like the terrible special effects.  There is a giant spider that is so horribly constructed that it has to be seen to be believed.  It looks like a drunk five year old made it out of paper mache and pipe cleaners or something, and when our protagonist Dr. Benson (Stelio Candelli) frantically rushes/saunters into the room to save our heroine Susan (Rita Calderoni) by shooting it off her chest, the fog machines are clearly visible which makes it look like things are exploding inside the room.  Like I said, these things I actually like.  They add character to the film but the constant panning and tilting of the camera angered up my blood.

"Allow me to explain through interpretive dance."

So the story begins with the good doctor speeding to an emergency house-call in the country when he comes upon an accident in the road.  I guess it's an accident.  There's a woman (Susan) in a perfectly fine automobile on the side of the road.  Dr. Benson promises to go find help and discovers a scary, old mansion so he goes and knocks on the door.  Inside is a crazy, laughing, toothless man and some people getting it on, and a woman who looks exactly like the woman who was in the accident.  The strange thing (as if the other things aren't strange) is that she keeps calling him Peter and tells him that she has been waiting for him.  Weird.  Later Susan does show up at the mansion and meets a guy who looks just like Dr. Benson but who insists on calling her Evelyn.  Also weird.

There's also a guy in the house who looks like he stole Bela Lugosi's Dracula costume, and I guess this guy is supposed to be the Devil which doesn't make any sense because he performs Satanic rituals and calls on demons to do his bidding.  And so Dr. Benson wanders around the estate and looks confused for 82 minutes and Susan spends half the movie with her boob hanging out as they try to figure out what's going on in this twisted house which serves as a metaphor for their own twisted psyches.  Deep stuff right there. 

There are a couple of reasons to watch this movie.  Obviously there's the nudity and there's quite a bit of it.  Boobs and bush are everywhere and there's even a Gothic interpretive-dance sequence that turns into an orgy.  There's also an uncut version where some hardcore scenes are added to the softcore stuff but I haven't seen it.  Also Nude For Satan might be worth seeing just because it's an example of the low budget sexploitation horror that came out of Italy in the mid '70s.  It has historical value!  But if you are looking for a good movie, this isn't it.  If you're looking for a so-bad-it's-good movie this might fit the bill, but for me this movie isn't all bad but it's not exactly good either.  It could have stayed in the vault and I wouldn't have cared.

Violence Rating:  3 out of 5
Booby Rating:  5 out of 5

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The Beast in Heat (1977)

Your Days Are Numbered

The Beast in Heat/S.S. Hell Camp

Where the hell do I even begin with this cinematic gem.  This is a movie about how the Italians were in the wrong during WWII, but the Germans were just batshit crazy and pure evil.  It seems to have two parts that are haphazardly put together to make a simultaneously boring and entertaining exploitation film.  Let me explain.  The Beast in Heat or S.S. Hell Camp is actually composed of scenes from several films which have been pilfered and combined to make this cinematic masterpiece; most of which is stock war footage or fragments from legitimate war movies.  Those are the boring parts.  The new stuff - the exploitation stuff - is the entertaining part, and not because it's good but because it is so bad that it's comical.

There is an incredibly hot Nazi scientist (Macha Magall) who is trying to create a German super-soldier through genetic experimentation.  This seems to be the basis for just about every Nazisploitation film but I'm not complaining.  Who needs plot when you have hot Nazi scientists?  Anyhoo, the result of these experiments is not a chiseled, blond super-soldier but a mutant monkey-man (Salvatore Baccaro) with a huge libido and no manners whatsoever.  Naturally, the Nazis satiate his horny blood-lust by tossing captured local girls into his cage periodically.

Meanwhile, Italian partisans scheme to rid their village of these Nazi devils because, as I mentioned before, the Germans are pure evil.  They (the Germans, not the partisans) rape the local ladies and shoot their babies!  Evil!  It's easy to spot the partisans from the general population because they have moustaches and wear berets.  So yeah, they fight the Germans, gain the upper hand and eventually toss the incredibly hot Nazi doctor into the cage with her mutant creation where she gets a taste of her own medicine, and by "her own medicine" I mean she gets raped to death.  The end.

The Beast in Heat is certainly worth watching, although those living in the UK may have trouble finding a copy because this movie is banned there.  I take that as an indication of exploitation quality.  If you want to see a freak rip the pubic hair off his victims or watch prisoners get their guts ripped out by cute little guinea pigs that are supposed to be rats, then this is your film.  The dialogue is so horrendous that it becomes humorous so that's a selling point, as well.  I must warn you however that in addition to the gratuitous female nudity, there's also a significant amount of wang in this movie.  Penises, they're everywhere!  And the partisan/war parts of the film are pretty damn boring but the rest of the film makes up for it.






Violence Rating: 4.5 out of 5
Booby Rating: 4.5 out of 5

"And the raven was called sin. Say it, the raven was called sin."

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