Beasts in Human Skin: July 2011

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

King Dick (1973)

Every woman's secret fantasy!

King Dick a.k.a. Il nano e la strega

Yikes. Watching this animated Italian sex-romp seemed like the thing to do at the time, but now I know better. First and foremost, King Dick is just boring. The humor is juvenile and the animation is terrible. I must admit that I chuckled a few times but mostly I just wanted to watch something else; but I suffered through it for you, loyal readers (I know there must be one or two of you). I endured all the sex puns just for you!

Are you ready for the plot? I think I can sum it up in one sentence. An ugly old witch needs to have 69 orgasms in order to become young and beautiful again, so she requires the services of a little gnome with a huge phallus who always runs away from her. That's pretty much it. There are a few other "adventures" along the way that are just as boring as the rest of the story and involve such characters as a circus elephant who takes pleasure in pooping on people, a fat chick who tries desperately to get laid and Robin Hood, who doesn't seem to steal anything but the innocence of young maidens.

Perhaps I'm being too hard on this movie (Hard on. I made a sex pun). It is a 1970s sex cartoon after all, not Citizen Kane. When the little gnome put a cork in the butt of the elephant to prevent him from pooping on people, it was kind of funny. It didn't work of course, and the poo just sprayed out like a shotgun all over the crowd. That's the funniest part of the movie so if that's not your thing, you should avoid this film.

On second thought, everybody should avoid this film unless you're really bored and/or really high.

Cartoon Violence Rating: 1 out of 5
Cartoon Booby Rating: 4.5 out of 5