Golden Showers and Chocolate Love

Are you bored at work and thinking - Hey, I'd really like to waste 98 minutes on a Canadian/French/West German made exploitation movie from 1974 with a Yugoslavian director featuring lots of boobies, a completely fucked up storyline, a golden shower from a golden penis, and girls masturbating in chocolate... Well your prayers have been answered because for some reason Sweet Movie is on YouTube in all its unedited glory.

Obviously it is very, very NSFW, unless you're some kind of rebel or something.

Simon, King of the Witches (1971)

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Hausu (1977)

Hausu a.k.a. House

Not too long ago I reviewed The Hearse; a haunted house movie so bad that it made me a little angry.  So now, to make up for reviewing that piece of crap,  I present a Japanese film that is so bizarre that it must be seen to be believed.  It's also a haunted house film and it's a good one.  It's hard to describe but Hausu is kind of like what would happen if Takashi Miike, Tim Burton, Sam Raimi and Dario Argento got together to make a horror movie for kids with blood and boobies in it.  And it's probably best if you watch it while you're high.

A group of high school girls, each with a name to describe their primary ability or attribute such as Gorgeous, Kung-fu, Melody, Mac for stomach, Sweet, Prof, and Fantasy, need a place to go for summer vacation and they decide to visit Gorgeous's aunt and her creepy old house in the country. 

Strange things begin to happen to the girls immediately.  They board the train and Gorgeous's aunt's white cat magically appears there with them.  None of the girls seem to think that's odd.  They arrive at the house after a strange encounter with a portly watermelon vendor, and make themselves at home with the creepy white haired aunt and her creepy white haired cat.  The girls tidy up the place and help with the meals and then they start to disappear one by one.

First, Mac is found decapitated but still cheerful and cheeky after going to retrieve a watermelon that was chilling in the well, then the other girls begin to die in situations related to their own personal attributes.  Is the aunt responsible?  Is the cat really a witch?  Is it the house itself that is consuming the girls?  I won't ruin it for you.

I can't even properly describe this film.  Everything including the sets, the effects, the dialogue, the plot - I mean everything - is just bizarre, but it works.  I can't recommend Hausu enough.  It's a great movie and perhaps even better when you're high.

Violence Rating/Index: 2.5 out of 5
Booby Rating/Index: 2 out of 5
Pipe Smoking Rating: 0.5 out of 5



Watch the trailer and it will give you an idea of what to expect from this film.

Buy House Unrated on DVD 
or Blu-ray at TLACult.com


Rent Hausu from GreenCine.com.