Happy Valentine's Day, MoFos!

I hope everybody gets their fill of chocolate, Barry White and sweet, sweet lovin' today.  I'll be back tomorrow with a review of some zombie porn.



Happy Valentine's Day!






 And if you're not a fan of Barry White, here's something else to help you get in the party mood...

Who Wants to See Some Redneck Biker Boobies?

As a kid, Sunday afternoons consisted of fetching Stroh's for my drunk stepfather as he hurled racial slurs at the TV and flipped back and forth between the tractor pull and the Steelers game before finally heading to the Rod and Gun Club where he could talk about how awesome America is with other mustachioed ex-Marines. So this video brings back some memories and tears of nostalgia.

I love you drunk stepfather!  I hope they make Stroh's in heaven.


Freedom Song from Everything Is Terrible! on Vimeo.

Anyway, if you've just sold your last case of incense and you're just sitting there with nothing to do, head on over to the YouTube Grindhouse Theatre because some choice new films have been added including Sexy Timetrip Ninjas, The Gore Gore Girls, and Invasion of the Blood Farmers.

Faded Blue Jeans and Sherilyn Fenn's Boobies

This week has been about hobos and saxophones so here they are combined in a glorious '80s sex scene featuring a bleach-blonde Sherilyn Fenn, although I must admit that I definitely prefer her as a brunette. 

Phoebe Cates will always be my first love but Sherilyn Fenn was also one of the ladies from the eighties (hey, that rhymes!) who gave me wood and she is certainly deserving of a little exposure (and a pun!) here on Beasts in Human Skin.

This is a quintessential '80s love scene because not only does it feature bleach-blonde '80s hair, saxophone music, soft lighting, and a buff drifter but this drifter has a long, Fabio-inspired coif and ripped and faded denim over his cowboy boots.  Perfect.

What does this have to do with exploitation movies?  Not a whole hell of a lot.

Sherilyn Fenn Sex Scene - Two Moon Junction - Amazing videos are here

Also there's this...

Japanese Shit Show ZOMBIE ASS: TOILET OF THE DEAD Drops This Month

This is just a friendly reminder that the Japanese poop and zombie movie Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead is scheduled to be released at the end of this month (in Japan).  And surprise!  It has schoolgirls and karate!  Who knows when this is coming to North America.  Soon, I hope.

If you haven't heard of this brown gem yet, you're in luck because I have a synopsis and the trailer for you:

We are going to flush you! The most crap-tastic zombie movie ever to emerge from Japan's cinema sewer is finally upon us, and it's from the twisted mind of cinematic madman and legendary ass- fetishist Noboru Iguchi, creator of THE MACHINE GIRL, ROBO-GEISHA and KARATE-ROBO ZABORGAR! Given free reign by a generous, independent producer to plumb the depths of his toilet-obsessed imagination, Iguchi has created a splatter comedy guaranteed to warm the bowels of those with the stomach for it...while more sensitive viewers may want to plug their noses and flee in disgust! Wracked with guilt over the suicide of her sister Ai, who was tormented by high school bullies, pretty young karate student Megumi accompanies a group of older friends on a trip into the woods: smart girl Aya, her druggie boyfriend Tak, big-boobed model Maki, and nerdy Naoi. Things start to go badly when Maki finds a parasitical worm inside a fish they catch - and wolfs it down alive, in the hope that it'll help keep her skinny!  

And then....zombies! The group is attacked by a crowd of poop-covered undead who emerge from an outhouse toilet, and seek refuge at the home of strange Dr. Tanaka and his daughter Sachi. But unbeknownst to them, Tanaka has been conducting experiments on the parasites--and the zombies!--and has another fate in mind for the five strangers from the city. What's the connection between the parasites and the undead? And can Megumi's karate alone help them escape, or will she have to rely on the liberating power of farts to save the day? Featuring special effects by Fantastic Fest 2009-2010 guest Yoshihiro Nishimura, and some truly jaw- dropping contributions from Iguchi's genius subconscious (parasite anus-zombies?!?), ZOMBIE ASS is a heaping helping of bad taste that may go down rough but is guaranteed to come out smooth and regular.

If you want to see more poop-monster action, check out Zoltan's review of Monsturd (2003).

Who Wants to See Elisabeth Shue Get Naked With a Monkey?

Ok, really he's an orangutan and not a monkey and I know he's supposed to be creepy as he stares at Elisabeth Shue's naked nakedness, but he just looks sad.  Maybe that's because his handler is making him be in such a terrible '80s horror movie, or maybe he'd just rather be in a German bestiality brothel.  And if you're wondering what this crappy movie is, it's Link from 1986.


Via Everything Is Terrible!

* Also, that's a body double and not Elisabeth Shue.

The Difference Between Vampire Movies from the 70s and 80s

I think I've noticed some subtle differences between vampire movies from the 1970s and 1980s.  As a comparison, I'm posting a video from one of my favorite Hammer Horror vampire movies from the 1970s, Twins of Evil (because Peter Cushing's performance is outstanding and the Collinson twins are so goddamn hot), and also one from Joel Shumacher's The Lost Boys (1987).  So let me know if these differences are really there or if I'm just imagining things.

If you'd like, you can even watch Twins of Evil at the YouTube Grindhouse Theatre; a new feature here on Beasts in Human Skin where you can see exploitation and cult films in their entirety for free because somebody said, "Hey!  Fuck you copyright restrictions!" and posted them on YouTube.  I'll continue to add new ones as I find them.




 First, here's Twins of Evil (1971):



And now The Lost Boys (1987):

What if the Muppets Made a Version of The Wicker Man?

Well, it would be creepy as fuck and look like this...




The Wicker Man (1973)