The Beast Must Die (1974)

One of these eight people will turn into a werewolf. Can you guess who it is when we stop the film for the WEREWOLF BREAK? See it ... solve it ... but don't tell!

The Beast Must Die

I shit the bed.  When the "werewolf break" came I couldn't correctly guess who the werewolf was.  Well, I shouldn't be too hard on myself because I was partly right, but still, I failed.  I hang my head in shame.

So The Beast Must Die is sort of like a murder mystery but instead of just figuring out who the murderer is, the viewer must figure out who the werewolf is.  It's like a combination of a Hammer horror movie, Clue: The Movie and The Most Dangerous Game with some blaxploitation thrown in for good measure.

An eccentric black guy (Calvin Lockhart) has too much money and an obsession with hunting.  He has tired of killing mundane creatures and now wishes to hunt the most dangerous game of all...  the werewolf!  He hires a security expert and has video cameras and microphones placed all over his estate and then hosts a dinner party.  To this party, he invites a bunch of white people.  One is an expert on lycanthropy (and is skillfully played by Peter Cushing), one is a convicted cannibal, and the others are just people who have been implicated in horrific murders over the years.  Any one of them could be the werewolf.

The black guy forces them all to stay at his estate until the rising of the full moon will force the werewolf to transform into the beast that it is.  At this point he will be able to hunt it down and put its head on his wall, I guess. It's never really explained what he will do with the trophy once he shoots it.  Anyway, the werewolf is crafty and things don't go as planned.  Innocents are killed, the surveillance equipment is destroyed and still nobody knows who the werewolf is.  That's when the "werewolf break" comes.  The viewer gets 30 seconds to try to figure out who the beast is before the climax of the film.

I'm a bit ashamed to admit that I liked this movie.  There are no boobies, very little blood and it's not at all scary.  In fact, the "werewolf" is played by a medium-sized German Shepherd.  This is one of the few movies I've reviewed that is probably suitable for kids, but I don't care.  I still recommend it.

Violence Rating: 2.5 out of 5
Booby Rating: 1 out of 5

"Does he look like a bitch?"

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Xtro (1983)

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Captain Kronos - Vampire Hunter (1974): Evil Ends Here.

Captain Kronos - Vampire Hunter

When I made it known the other day that I think many of Tobe Hooper's movies are crap, a couple of people left suggestions of some of his earlier works that they thought were good.  One of those suggestions was Lifeforce which is about alien energy-sucking vampires which reminded me of this film, Captain Kronos - Vampire Hunter.

This is one of the later attempts by Hammer Studios to find an audience amid the changing face of horror and the emergence of exploitation films in the 1970s.  Captain Kronos - Vampire Hunter was intended to be the first in a series of films but the idea never caught on and Hammer Films eventually withered away.

How could you not want to see this movie?  It has a swashbuckling, tights wearing, cigar smoking, vampire killing German.  If that's not enough, it also stars Caroline Munro who is very easy on the eyes. What else do you need to know?  I'll give you a short summary anyway.  Something is stalking the woods and draining the fair young maidens of their youth and vitality, leaving wrinkled old hags in their stead.  At the request of one of the villagers, professional vampire hunters Captain Kronos of the Imperial Guard and his hunchback sidekick Grost travel to the area and rescue the gypsy Carla (Caroline Munro) along the way.  Once there, they kill some local thugs, slay some vampires and track down the vampire lord who is behind all of the life-draining murders.

"Quiet dear, the men are talking."

Captain Kronos is a good film and if it had more violence and nudity it could be a great film.  My impression is that this film came out a few years too late.  It should have been made in the late sixties instead of the mid-seventies.  Still, it's worth watching.

Violence Rating:  2.5 out of 5
Booby Rating:  1.5 out of 5

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Virgin Witch: Every Man Was Hers to Command.

Virgin Witch

There isn't a lot to say about this movie.  It's not good but not especially bad, either. Virgin Witch is the kind of movie that one might watch if it's on TV and there's nothing else to do.  It serves well as a time waster but it's not worth seeking out to watch.  There are a lot of boobies so I guess it has that going for it.

Two attractive sisters are new in town and looking for work, possibly as models.  They chance upon an ad for new modeling talent and even though the situation seams rather shady, one of the sisters secretly meets with a middle aged woman who is the head of a talent agency.  Ann is told to undress and her measurements are taken by this lecherous lesbian witch.  Of course Ann does not initially know that this woman's a witch but soon she is drawn into the coven.

She gets her first modeling job at a country estate where she sprawls across cars and prances through the grass whilst naked for a cider advertisement.  She falls for the effeminate photographer but before he can "spoil" her, the lesbian witch intervenes to protect Ann's virginity.  She needs that intact for her initiation into the coven which occurs shortly thereafter.

"Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?"

Ann becomes a special witch for she has psychic powers.  I thought witches had special abilities by practicing witchcraft, but not in this film.  When the randy lesbian decides to have Ann's sister Vicki deflowered and brought into the coven all hell breaks loose as Ann uses her psychic gifts to bring about an anticlimactic end.

So yeah.  Don't bother searching for this one but if Virgin Witch is on TV or something, it's not a terrible way to waste some time.

Violence Rating:  1.5 out of 5
Booby Rating:  5 out of 5

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Blood from the Mummy's Tomb: A Severed Hand Beckons from an Open Grave!

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