Succubus (1968) Review

The sensual experience of '69

I thought this movie was a festering pile of shit until the last 30 seconds.  Then I completely changed my mind.

A lot of these Euro-horror films from the '60s and '70s emphasize style over substance to the point of a complete lack of cohesion or even a basic plot.  Sure, they look pretty but nobody has a freakin' clue what's going on because there isn't a coherent storyline.  I thought Succubus was one of these because it seemed to meander all over the damned place and nothing was explained.  It just seemed to be a collection of dream-like, disjointed scenes but then (almost) everything was wrapped up in the end and I understood why the film was so surreal, ambiguous and confusing: because our confusion mirrored that of the protagonist.  The audience experienced her bewilderment for the duration of the film and only realized what the hell was happening to her at the same time that she did.  And to that I say, "Bravo, Mr. Franco.  Bravo."

The story revolves around Lorna (Janine Reynaud), an S&M performer at an upscale nightclub who finds herself in a bizarre and sometimes hazy world of dwarves, bondage and torture, mannequin fornication and murder.   Everyone around her seems to turn up dead and she isn't sure if she is dreaming the whole thing or is actually a temptress who seduces and then kills her lovers.  Or perhaps she is just losing her mind.

Please don't misunderstand me.  I do think the film is a good one and perhaps one of the best of Franco's that I've seen, but it's far from perfect.  I like the fact that it's not just topless female prison guards flogging topless female inmates like so many of  Franco's later movies.  It's not just pointless sex and violence, although obviously I do appreciate films with copious amounts of both, but I also like films that are unique and clever and Succubus does challenge the audience to think.  Not everything makes perfect sense and not everything is profound but the surreal, abstract imagery and shrouded plot do require some cerebral activity from the viewer. It does have a decent amount of nudity, which of course is a good thing, although all of it is from Janine Reynaud who was already getting a little long in the tooth when she started acting. But the biggest gripe I have with Succubus is how slowly things develop. Some may describe it as "leisurely paced" but I prefer to call it painfully slow.  It's so goddamn slow that if the story didn't come together in the end like it did, I'd still be calling this film a festering pile of shit.

With some reviews I recommend partaking of a generous amount of drink to get the most enjoyment out of the film, with Succubus I think the film would make the most sense if you were trippin' balls.

Violence Rating:  2.5 out of 5
Booby Rating:  2.5 out of 5

The trailer is in Spanish which just makes it more erótico.

Best Movie Death Ever?

This Oscar worthy performance is from the 1973 Turkish exploitation film Kareteci Kız, which means Karate Girl, I'm told.  Isn't every movie from Turkey an exploitation film? 

That bitch needs to work on her gun kata.

Hitler Preferred Blondes

But so did cavemen.  Here he is about to play "hide the bratwurst" with some naked Bavarian beauties so obviously being Fuhrer had its rewards.  I mean sure, eventually you're going to have to blow your brains out in an underground bunker with a frumpy brunette at your side, but before that happens you get to prance through Alpine meadows with some buxom blondes (and a redhead?).  You take the good, you take the bad...

I really wish I knew the source of this picture.  A publicity photo for a movie perhaps?

Gloria Guida: Wet Nurse

Gloria Guida in L'infermiera di notte a.k.a. Night Nurse

If I saw Gloria Guida topless back when she was 24 years old, I think I'd have a similar reaction.

Janine Reynaud Will Rape You While You Sleep

Here's the French actress in some promotional photos from the West German horror movie Necronomicon Geträumte Sünden or as it's known in its edited American form, Succubus.  Ms. Reynaud was once a model but is mostly known for showing her boobies in many European horror movies and erotic thrillers including Human Cobras, Two Undercover Angels and Kiss Me Monster.  She was discovered in a bistro in Rome by Jess Franco and worked with him on more than a few occasions but she mainly starred in films directed by her husband, Michel Lemoine.  Together they made 13 movies.

I'll have a review of Succubus in the next couple of days.

See all of Janine's nude scenes at MrSkin.com!

Every Dog Has Its Day With Brigitte Lahaie

We're finally on the last set of the "Brigitte Lahaie naked with animals" series which makes me very glad.  As much as I love Brigitte, most of these pictures just give me the creeps. 

I suppose these pictures could have been broken into two posts since they're from different magazines, but since they both have Great Danes and Brigitte in the buff (I get the impression that she really likes Great Danes), I figured I'd just combine them into one.  The set with Brigitte in black leather/vinyl is from Penthouse but I'm not sure about the other one.

And as a reminder that everything that has a beginning also has an end, here is a picture of present day Brigitte with her greying canine companions.  In the immortal words of Ponyboy, "Nothing gold can stay..."  But I must say, she has aged very gracefully.

Savage Streets (1984) Trailer

They raped her sister... killed her best friend.  Now she must seek revenge! 

Get it at TLACult

"After nearly being rundown by a gang known as the Scars, Brenda (Linda Blair) and friends trash the leader's car. Gang leader, Jake, exacts his revenge by getting his cohorts to gang-rape her mute-deaf sister, Heather (in a gloriously nuanced role by Linnea Quigley). Armed with a crossbow and a bad attitude, Linda Blair sets out to avenge her mute-deaf sister while blazing a bloody, Bronson-inspired trail through '80s Los Angeles.

 Linda Blair graces us with a nice, long, gratuitous shot of her formerly-possessed titties, while Linnea Quigley gives up her pert little pair playing a deaf-mute who gets gang raped on a men's room floor by a bunch of leather jacket dudes. Plus, Linda Blair rips off some bitchy cheerleader's top in the middle of class, leaving her to run around screaming with her bra-less pair bouncing about for all to see and Suzee Slater gets her top ripped off by the leather jacket dudes.

Loaded with hot nudity, switchblade-wielding, revenge-minded bitches and catty high school nonsense, this exploitation classic perfectly blends brutal rape-revenge movies with raunchy high school titty movies leaving us with a truly satisfying slice of '80s awesomeness."  -TLACult

If you watch the trailer then there really isn't any need to watch the entire movie because they pretty much tell you everything that happens.  Ok, there are a few reasons to watch the movie:  Piss-poor actors in their mid-twenties pretending to be teenagers (which isn't as bad as a 36 year old Caroline Munro in Slaughter High but still...), Linnea Quigley gets naked, and Linda Blair's performance is so horrendous that she won a Razzie Award.

Yes, perhaps I'm being a little too hard on this Death Wish rip-off.  If you're drunk, it's really not that bad.

I used to think Linda Blair was hot, but now I think she looks like she almost has an extra chromosome.  Not an entire extra one, but maybe half of one.  What I'm saying is, it looks like Linda Blair has Down Syndrome, which is probably an insult to people who actually do have Down Syndrome because a lot of them are more talented and better looking.  Corky (Chris Burke) from "Life goes On" was a hell of a lot better at acting.  Am I rambling?  Yes, yes I am.

In conclusion, after The Exorcist, Linda Blair became a terrible actress and I no longer think she's attractive.

"I've been possessed by cake."