Daughters of Satan (1972)

A Secret Cult of Lust-Craved Witches Torturing with Fire and Desire!

Daughters of Satan

This one will probably only appeal to fans of Tom Selleck, his mustache or his tight shorts.  I must admit that I am a big fan of Magnum P.I..  I've seen every episode more than once and the last one makes me tear up, so when I came across this film I was more than a little excited because it's a cheesy little grindhouse film with a 27 year old pre-Magnum Tom Selleck.

If you're not a fan of bad movies, you're probably not going to like this one.  Don't get me wrong, the acting is indeed atrocious and there are numerous plot holes but it has Tom Selleck, a somewhat interesting story and more boobies than one would expect.  So, I cautiously recommend Daughters of Satan for perhaps a drinking night.  I really kind of liked this movie but most people won't.

Art dealer James Robertson (Tom Selleck) is summoned to a crappy little art shop to check out some art pieces that might be of value.  He concludes that they are fakes and isn't interested but another painting catches his eye because one of the figures in it looks exactly like his wife, Chris (Barra Grant).  It's a picture of three witches being burned alive and their scary looking Rottweiler.

"See this 'stache?  Get on it."

James buys the painting and takes it to show his wife at their Filipino home.  Chris is disgusted by the picture but strangely recognizes the time and place of the witch burning that is depicted in it.  James doesn't seem to care about her repulsion and hangs it above the couch.  Other strange things begin to happen.  A gang of Filipino field workers threatens to beat up James, or worse.  Then, a woman shows up at their door and claims to be the new housekeeper but neither James or Chris placed an ad for one.  Still, she is given the position.  Then a Rottweiler named Nicodemus appears and, like the Dobermans Zeus and Apollo on Magnum P.I., wants nothing more than to tear Tom Selleck to hairy, little bits.  Also, Chris hears voices at night whenever she takes off her crucifix and is compelled to kill her husband.

As these people and the Rottweiler appear in the lives of Chris and James, they disappear from the painting that still hangs over the couch.  The new housekeeper (she's really a witch) slowly places Chris under her spell and tries to eliminate, then seduce, then eliminate James so that the coven can begin anew.  Will Chris fall under her spell completely?  Yes, yes she will.

Violence Rating/Index: 2.5 out of 5
Booby Rating/Index: 2.5 out of 5




Here's a short video from Daughters of Satan to illustrate the skilled level of acting one can expect in this film and the tightness of the dialogue and Tom Selleck's shorts.  If you make it all the way through it, you have my respect.

See all of Barra's nude scenes at MrSkin.com!

For Your Height Only (1981): Bigger than Goldfinger's Finger - Bigger Than Thunderball's....

For Your Height Only

I don't even know where to begin.  I first became aware of this cinematic gem when I found a video about angry and/or violent dwarfs in film after reviewing The Sinful Dwarf.  For Your Height Only looked so crazy that I had to see it for myself.  I've seen it and it is indeed crazy.

This James Bond parody features Weng Weng as Agent 00, a three-foot-tall super agent who seems to specialize in kicking and slapping bad guys in the junk.   His diminutive stature allows him to move and hide like a ninja while infiltrating hideouts and unleashing flurry upon flurry of blows to drug dealers' nether regions.  He even jumps out of a high-rise and uses an umbrella to float safely to the ground.  He's just that small. 

Agent 00 befriends a fine looking lady who is being "shot at once or twice a week" by a local gang after she refuses to work for them as a prostitute.  Together, they quickly dispatch of these bad guys and move on to the main plot.  A crime syndicate led by the mysterious Mr. Giant has kidnapped a scientist who has developed the N-bomb, a weapon so horrific that they never describe what it actually does.  The Filipino government sends their best agent to get him back.

"Seagal taught me this."

Of course I'm going to recommend this movie.  It's one of those movies that's so bad it's good, and this movie is really, really bad.  I must warn you however that there is so much cock-punching and cock-kicking that after a while it becomes a bit tedious.  For Your Height Only is an absolutely atrocious and therefore spectacular movie.  Just watch the trailer and you will see.

Violence Rating:  3 out of 5
Booby Rating:  1 out of 5

Get the For Your Height Only / Challenge of the Tiger 
Unrated Double Feature at TLACult.com

Daughters of Satan: A Secret Cult of Lust-Craved Witches Torturing with Fire and Desire!

*YOU CAN FIND THE UPDATED REVIEW HERE*

This one is pretty much only for fans of Tom Selleck's mustache.  I must admit that I'm a big fan of Magnum P.I. so when I came across this film I was more than a little excited because it's a cheesy little grindhouse film with a pre-Magnum Tom Selleck.  If you're not a fan of bad movies, you're probably not going to like this one.  Don't get me wrong, the acting is indeed atrocious and there are numerous plot holes but it has Tom Selleck, a somewhat interesting story and more boobies than one would expect.  So, I cautiously recommend Daughters of Satan for perhaps a drinking night.  I really kind of liked this movie but most people won't.

Here's a short video from Daughters of Satan to illustrate the tight dialogue and skilled level of acting one can expect in this film and the tightness of Tom Selleck's shorts.  If you make it all the way through it, you have my respect.